A Mother's Love
by marauderluverz
Summary: Bellatrix Lestrange was never a kind and loving person. But this is not to be confused with saying that she did not love, because she did. But then again, maybe she was never given the chance to properly love.


**A/N: Hiya, this is a story idea I've had in my head for a while . I originally wrote it for a contest on another site but I missed the date. :( So now here it is. Please let me know what you think. **

* * *

><p>A Mother's Love<p>

Bellatrix Black groaned as she threw-up her breakfast into the toilet in the girls' lavatory. The ache in her stomach told her it was empty. She flushed the toilet and got up from the floor. She smacked the wall.

"Stupid morning sickness!" she shouted. She kicked the toilet and then headed out of the stall to wash her hands. It had been nearly a week since she had started having morning sickness, and she hated it.

She sighed and rested her hand against her lower stomach. The corners of her lips lifted in a slight smile. She was going to have a baby. Not just any baby, either. Rudolphus's baby.

She heard the chattering of some other girls from the hall outside, and quickly straightened. A scowl replaced the soft smile that had graced her beautiful face. She snickered to herself as she exited the bathroom, after successfully scaring the group of first year Hufflepuffs that had entered the bathroom.

She glanced at her watch, she was supposed to meet Rudolphus so they could head into Hogsmeade together. She hurried down the grand staircase until she reached the last flight and she slowed and walked with purpose down the last flight. Rudolphus was leaning against the wall flirting with a fifth year Slytherin girl. She was twisting her blonde hair around her finger as she talked, completely oblivious to the fact that Rudolphus was not staring at her face.

Bellatrix glared at the girl as she approached them. The minute the other girl saw Bellatrix, she made a hurried retreat. Rudolphus was confused until he turned to see his girlfriend.

"You're late," he growled.

Bellatrix shrugged. "What do you care? You seemed to be having a good time."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I almost wish you hadn't shown," he said, staring after the girl from before.

"Well, I'm here. So let's go." She grabbed his hand and dragged him after her towards Hogsmeade.

The next three hours spent looking through stores and talking to other people they knew, Bellatrix spent focused on how to tell Rudolphus her news.

Finally she grabbed his arm, "Hey, can we go talk for a bit?" She tried not to let him hear how nervous she was, but feared he may have noticed.

He shrugged, "Sure. I'm hungry anyway." He led them to The Three Broomsticks, and they went in and sat at a table near a window. Bellatrix stared out the window. It wasn't even a nice day out today really, it was cold and the snow that had covered the ground the last several weeks had already melted, leaving the ground wet. Bellatrix enjoyed the silence until they ordered their food and then Rudolphus looked at her from across the table.

When she was silent still, Bellatrix saw irritation forming on his face. "So?"

She swallowed. "Well, um, I found out that, um," her voice faded.

Rudolphus rolled his eyes as the waitress set down their food in front of them. He waved her away, and then looked back at his girlfriend. "Yeah," he said, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite.

Bellatrix shut her eyes tightly and clenched her fists, "I'm pregnant."

Rudolphus coughed, choking on his food. He grabbed his butterbeer and took a large gulp. "Pregnant? What do you mean?"

Bellatrix shrugged. "We're gonna have a baby."

He cursed aloud, and slammed his fist on the table. A few other students glanced at them.

"Rudolphus, you're making a scene."

"Well, it's your fault for telling me." he argued. "Fine, we'll talk about this later."

They didn't talk for the rest of the meal, or for most of the day in Hogsmeade for that matter. It wasn't until after dinner that night, when they were back in the common room when she had another chance to try to talk to Rudolphus. He had just gotten up from the couch to head upstairs. The common room was mostly empty, and Bellatrix jumped up and followed him.

"Rudolphus," she called, grabbing his arm.

"What, Bella?"

"We haven't talked about this whole baby thing yet."

He shrugged, "I figured we both knew what we had to do. I didn't know we needed to discuss it."

"What did you think we had decided on?" she asked.

"Well, there's no way we can keep it," he told her.

"What do you mean? We're almost done with school, and we're going to be together after anyways."

"Bella, what fun is it going to be to have a baby? I don't want a baby right now. I don't know if I ever want kids." He looked into her eyes. "Trust me, it's the only thing we can do. Isn't there somebody that you can get a potion or something from to take care of it?"

Bellatrix pulled her hand back from his arm, letting him know he was free to go. "Yeah, I'm sure there's somebody. I'll ask some of the other girls."

Rudolphus nodded, and then began back up the stairs.

Bellatrix waited until he was gone before placing her hands on her lower stomach.

That night as Bellatrix climbed into bed, she contemplated what to do. Rudolphus made it sound so easy, to just give up the baby. Her baby. It was already hers. Maybe he had the luxury of not yet feeling anything for it, but to her it was her baby. She closed her eyes, they could have that perfect family. They were getting married right after Hogwarts anyway, what would be the problem with having a baby on the way?

But she knew that it wasn't just her choice. This wouldn't just affect her anymore, this was about Rudolphus too. Besides, what would she do with a baby anyway? She didn't know how to be a mother. And her own mother hadn't been the best example. No, it would be better this way, she told herself. Rudolphus knew best.

It had taken nearly a week, but Bellatrix had finally acquired the potion that would terminate her pregnancy. She had asked the other seventh year girls and one of them had told her about a guy who sold those type of potions. It hadn't been cheap, but it was her only option. And now she sat on her bed, holding the potion vile, staring at its purple contents.

Bellatrix felt tears in the back of her eyes, and luckily her room was empty. She would never get to feel her baby kick. Never have the joy of holding her newborn baby. Sure, she might have another baby later on down the road; but this was her first. Would always be her first. A tear slid down her cheek; but really, what choice did she have?

She downed the bottle in one gulp, and then the dam broke. Tears flooded down the side of her face, and she didn't bother trying to stop them.

~Five years later~

Bellatrix cursed under her breath as she threw the negative pregnancy test into the trash bin. For the last five years she had checked every time she thought she might be pregnant. It still hadn't happened. She and Rudolphus had married right after Hogwarts and after two years, she had finally convinced him kids would be a good idea. But nothing had ever worked. She had tried potions and spells, but nothing changed. Every single time, she registered negative.

During the first year, she had told herself there would be plenty more time. But now, with all the stress of the coming war, and working for Voldemort, she knew it was less and less likely to happen.

Thinking back on it now, she couldn't believe what she had given up. She hated herself everyday for what she did. The worst thing was knowing that she could have had all of those things. A family, a house full of children to teach everything to, someone to call her "Mum". And she had given it up.

Some days, she thought of just taking her own life. It would be simple, she had taken so many others' lives, it would just take a simple spell. But then, just as she raised her wand to her head, she would hear Rudolphus come in the front door of their flat, and would stop.

Now she sighed as she made her way back into her bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. If she could go back, she wouldn't have taken that potion. Would never have given up her chance to truly experience the love a mother has for her child.


End file.
